@SaltyCorpse: You think your life is uncomfortable? My gynecologist lives four doors down from me.

@hazelmotes1: Superman: I'm my own worst enemy. Lex Luthor: oh. That's nice. I'm literally standing right here.

@thwphipps: the word 'freelancer' originally came from medieval knights who would kill evildoers for the king and THEN NOT GET PAID FOR EIGHT MONTHS

@karanbirtinna: *removes turban to reveal an even more seductive turban*

@mrjohndarby: [my funeral service] my widow: he will surely be remembered for being such a terrible liar who faked his own death several times..aaand there he is at the back in the stupid big hat. i'd like to apologise to everyone here once again