@minkpinkustink: whoever said misery loves company spelled calories wrong
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@TheIronSherk: I can't believe how different life was before *googles* Al Gore invented the Internet
@RdrJay47: Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.
@Skoogeth: cop: do you know who the murderer is? detective quasimodo: i have a [takes off sunglasses] decent lead cop: [obviously disappointed] oh detective quasimodo: what? cop: it’s just i thought you were gonna say you had a... nvm it’s not important
@Reverend_Scott: Better than a Justin Bieber concert: 1. Being deaf. 2. A rattlesnake bite. 3. Chewing razor blades. 4. Licking a public toilet seat.