A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn’t eat.
Whoever spelled the word Receipt was a friggin idiopt
You Might Also Like
Kid: why do cookies look so happy?
Me: idk…maybe cuz they’re baked
Kid: I wanna get baked
Me: me too kid… me too
Yess ocifer b-b-but in dog beers I’ve only had two.
Lois Lane was fired from the Daily Planet after she knocked Clark Kent’s glasses off and then panicked thinking a plane was in the building.
Good thing some people show their bare chest in their profile pic, otherwise we wouldn’t have known they had a torso.
Don’t worry, men. Women can’t tell women to calm down either.
I think you can all settle down. Its unlikely Instagram will ever find buyers for photos of 20 000 feet and a billion sunsets.
I’m just a girl.
Standing in front of a girl.
Wondering how she got her eyeliner on so perfectly.
[interviewing for job as assassin]
Me: I only have 1 rule
Interviewer: lemme guess. No women or kids
Me: huh? No, I just won’t work weekends
[walks into interview wearing light up Sketchers]
WALMART INTERVIEWER: whoa I didn’t know corporate was coming