@omgthatspunny

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office is in big trouble. You have my Word.

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@krisv_723

*annual sexual harassment seminar.
Boss: We need more seats.
Me: *taps lap* I’ve got a place for someone to sit.
Boss: *sighing* You’re the reason we have these meetings.

@RidiculousSheri

In hindsight, naming my family portrait studio Let Me Shoot Your Kids, was probably not the best business decision.

@chuuew

The computer keyboard was invented before the mouse. It was a precursor.

@baronvonbike

My 8 year old daughter can already read at a 5th grade level and ignore me at a 12th grade level.

@pittdave13

There once was a man on zoom
Whose stomach had started to fume
He really had to toot
Forgot to hit mute
A problem when your living room is also the conference room

@BadMikeyBad

OJ Simpson now has a Twitter Account. I’m sure he’ll kill it here

@rebrafsim

[vasectomy]
Doctor: how did that vase get in there, again?

@plumbur

Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we’re camping. With an angry bear close by.