@suzieQ0007

Who’s this “moderation” character people keep telling me to drink with?

You Might Also Like

@iAmJuddy

Currently accomplishing an astonishing amount of nothing, at a blistering rate.

@vineyille

Hey starbucks I’m not using your made up language give me a medium beanwater

@moose_chocolate

A coworker told me she was “catching up on her correspondence” so apparently it’s 1932 here at my workplace.

@egg_dog

If every nitrogen atom turned into a horse we would all die

@Jessdaisy

Just wanted to say thank you…I was scrolling my tl, saw your avi, and it reminded me I needed to take out the trash.

@JuliusGoat

By 35 you should have returned to your childhood home to discover the ancient evil you and your friends thought you’d defeated when you were all 12 has risen again, say retirement experts.

@ProdigyNelson

[aquarium]
Me: “That’s a lot of octopussies to occupy a tank.”
Guide: “it’s octopi.”
Me: “Oh..that’s a lot of octopussies to octopi a tank.”

@mstluvstrinkets

I remember, before kids, saying funny things like, “my kids won’t be watching TV and they most certainly won’t be eating chicken nuggets!”