@_RubyLeClaire

Why are they called drug mules instead of methengers?

You Might Also Like

@Ygrene

At my funeral, please make my dead body do the ‘walking down stairs behind a couch’ into the grave

@CircIeKay

First person to find a tooth in the nacho cheese gets a free tooth

@ThugRaccoons

KFC Cashier: I hope your family enjoys this 12 piece meal

Me: Family?

@SaltyCorpse

My daughter just found the iron in the laundry room and asked “What is this? Some kind of olden days coffee pot?”

When do I get to go to heaven?

@ryangriffiths

My dad says that if I don’t stop typing so loudly, he’s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK

@SashaBrenner

“Get your fax straight!” – a tweet that would have been so funny in 1987

@jocylan

If I haven’t said something mildly offensive today I’m sorry and I promise to try harder

@UnFitz

Me: My world is suddenly reduced to a few hundred square feet of space.

Hamster: Poor baby.

@billingsley313

My pregnant wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked “Does it make my butt look big?” I texted back “Noo!” My phone autocorrect my response to “Moo!”

Please send help!