If you need someone to keep a secret then I’m your girl. I’ll forget it 5 minutes after you tell me.
why did double and triple dog dares go of out style. it’s win-win. you either see your friends do stupid things or you win two to three dogs
You Might Also Like
Here lies Aunt Brenda. Trampled to death on the day after Thanksgiving trying to save $18 on a crock pot. Rest in peace, sweet angel.
“Halloween” is barbaric US ritual in which children earn candies by preying on the superstitions and fears of ignorant peasants.
me: what’s your favorite farm animal?
owen wilson: cow
rose: yes, i was on the titanic
guy: okay, where is this diamond
rose: first i’m gonna tell u about this boy
guy: can u just tell us where the-
rose: best sex of my life. easily.
When life gives you chlamydia, make lemon chlamydia?
if you love someone, set them free; now you don’t have to buy anything for Valentine’s Day
Someone left a flyer on my windshield asking me to envision heaven, so I pictured a world where no one leaves flyers on my windshield.
*looking at a picture* Wow, you have beautiful children!
Thank you, they came with the frame.
Pancake mix is too thick. Adds water. Pancake mix is too runny. Adds mix. Pancake mix is too thick. Adds water. Feeds family 120 pancakes.