I don’t mean to brag, but i’m an amazing sport coach. I can make ppl run very fast.
Why do baby clothes have pockets. What do babies have to carry?
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Groundhog is like regular hog except it’s easier to make burgers out of it.
We woke up to a noise.
I grabbed a bat.
He grabs a can of body spray.
“Really? Gunna make this burglar irresistible to women huh?”
For someone I’ve had to physically restrain from eating dog shit, my son is awfully particular about which grapes he’s going to eat.
Told my girlfriend she should scream out ‘my god you’re huge’!! at her gynaecologist appointment to freak out the others in the waiting room
It’s such bullshit that there’s no zombie apocalypse. I totally want to hit my neighbor over the head with a shovel.
“If you want something badly enough you’ll never give up.”
It has been
2?4? 0 days
since you last stepped in cat puke.
Cats being cats.