This florist doesn’t even know anything about floors, and he’s acting like I’m the stupid one!
Why do I have to steal the Death Star plans?
Nothing this big stays secret.
Just Google them.
There’s probably a torrent somewhere.
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Batman cuts off a seemingly innocuous driver in the Batmobile, only to deal with the driver later, with the help of Superman #ChangingBanes
She’s not my fake internet girlfriend, she’s my eBae.
I don’t like to brag about my cat-like reflexes.
That said, could someone please call for help?
I got startled and am stuck in a tree.
Make sure to change out the condom in your wallet once in a while…so your wallet doesn’t think you’re a loser.
It turns out no one likes “the real me” and they have asked the priest to reverse my exorcism.
My hamster, Max, was involved in a terrible accident. He must have fallen asleep at the wheel.
Hi, it’s me, your housebound friend. Since I have years of experience at this, and you lot seem to be out of ideas already, I will be providing you with daily suggestions of ways in which to entertain yourselves at home. Ready?
March 16th: Teach the cat a conjuring spell.
When someone yawns, I like to yell “Surprise Dentist!” and stick my hand in their mouth, which is fun because I’m not really a dentist.
Experts determine Super Bowl blackout was an electrical issue, also determine grass has a green issue.