Guys love it when you rest your head on their shoulder at the movie theatre.
Their girlfriends however… not so much.
why do parents get mad when u sleep all day like im staying out of trouble and im not spending your money like what is the issue here
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If you don’t have a dog whistle, you can use two teenage girls who have not seen each other in forever.
Him: I’m breaking up with you
Me: is it because I constantly use my toes as fingers?
Me: *wipes a tear off of his face with my big toe* Okay
Every time you get a haircut, you’re essentially returning your last haircut and exchanging it for the exact same thing
Jesus, take the wheel!
*steering wheel disappears*
*car careens into tree*
*clicks on hotel tv’s Adult Zone*
“Oh hell yeah.”
*it’s just a bunch of people paying bills and doing yard work*
“…Oh hell yeah.”
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
this brownie is so moist
“ugh i hate that word”
okay [opens thesaurus] this brownie is totally soaked. i love to eat damp and soggy brownies
Whoever invented brooms, good job. I love your work. Use them all the time.