Isn’t that the name of the guy that played Sherlock Holmes?
Why do people assume I know all about computers just because I’m from India? That makes so I angry I just want to 01010010101010101010101
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stranger: you’re gunna look stupid with all those tattoos when you’re 80
me: listen pal, everyone looks stupid when they’re 80
Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT OF THE INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES LINDA I HAVE DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY
Shout out to the creepy guy sitting in your bedroom chair who turns into clothes as soon as you turn on the lights.
? 12 drummers drumming
? 11 pipers piping
? 10 lords a leaping
? 9 ladies dancing
? 8 maids a milking
? 7 swans a swimming
? 6 geese a laying
Me: Did you look in your purse?
Her: OF COURSE I LOOKED IN MY PURSE, I’M NOT AN IDIOT!
Her: [looking in purse] You’re not going to believe this…
I bet “Fifty Shades of Grey” won’t make that much money because most of the people who want to see it are tied to a bedpost.
Do not treat your woman like an object. It hates that.