boss: I’m sorry Alan we’re going to have to let you go
bungee cord tester: N
Why do people knock on a locked public restroom door? And what is the person inside to say? “who is it?”
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* Pogoing Outside Your Window
~ Are… You… Sure… You… Don’t… Want…. A… Second… Date?
they can’t date any hot chicks #SnowmanDatingProblems
[Sweden’s famous Ice Hotel]
Vinnie: how are we going to break into the vault?
Donnie: leave it to me *screws silencer onto hairdryer*
I feel bad for that caveman who invented the wheel because you know his mother-in-law was all “She shoulda married Grog. He invented fire”
If you keep laughing then you’ll always have the last laugh.
Her: Why are you still calling? You know it’s over between us.
Him: You know why.
Her: *sighs, calls dog to phone*
I’m tired of being –
Husband: You cut your hair!
H: It looks good! I like it!
Me: I cut my hair 3 weeks ago.
Doctor: how sick are you?
Me: idk spit a beat