@sincir3000: why do people with two hands order drinks one at a time?
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@JediGigi: [during sex] Can I call my mom? She said this would never happen. Wait-will you call her? Tell her this is happening! She'll believe you.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I’ve finally adjusted to daylight savings time WIFE: really ME: really WIFE: *takes cat out of fridge* ME: *stops petting the milk*
@WheelTod: [Surgery] Anaestheologist: “Count back from 100, please.” Me: “100, ..., um..., ..., uh...” Anaestheologist: “OK. He’s out!” *Surgeon starts sawing off leg *I hold in the pain to disguise the embarrassment over my innumeracy