@lottiegwalker: Why do they call it alcoholics anonymous if you introduce yourself?
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@ZBH94: *On deathbed* Me: Will someone make that beeping stop? Wife: I GOT IT!!!! *pulls plug* Nurse: You only had to press the mute. Wife: I know.
@LeBearGirdle: Me: I think my computer's broken Boss: just give it to the IT guy Me: okay *walks outside and tosses my laptop into the sewer* good luck
@Marlebean: Me: My neighbor who's a doctor said it's healthy to sleep nude Friend: What type of dr? Me: Optometrist I guess. He has lots of binoculars