Why do they call it alcoholics anonymous if you introduce yourself?

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once someone was like “millennials don’t answer a door if they aren’t expecting anyone???” and i get why the 70s had so many serial killers


[american civil war]
soldier: god this is terrible I hope no one reenacts this


Cashier: haha that’s a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh





Me: yep


He died doing what he loved, forgetting to put my potato wedges in the bag.


ARUGULA is my favorite vegetable whose name sounds like a car horn from the 50’s.


My 4 year old said he wants to go to JFK for some chicken. He won’t be majoring in history.


There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling “I HAVE THE POWEEER!” like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.


Big fight at Bible group. Jeff said Jesus was a liberal and Cheryl said Jeff gave her chlamydia