@lottiegwalker: Why do they call it alcoholics anonymous if you introduce yourself?
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@JawnQSack: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." A zombie trying to convince his son to finish his dinner.
@shutupmikeginn: Mentally fistfighting everyone I pass on sidewalk (watched action movie earlier) my record is 33-10 but to be fair I walked by a school.
@om_eye_goodness: If you wanna know what it’s like to have kids, just dump everything you own on the floor and tell the air to clean it up. Spoiler: the air doesn’t clean jack shit...just like children.
@DadandBuried: I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.