While I might feel unsure how to react, my middle finger is well versed in handling stupid people.
Why do they even bother calling him 007, when the first thing he does is introduce himself using his REAL NAME?
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my friend told me on first dates i should just “be myself” and “be confident” and i was like “ok but which one?”
ME: What do you recommend? It’s our anniversary
WAITRESS AT WAFFLE HOUSE: You should try a waffle
I am not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Nonwriters: How do you write a book?
Writers: Well, you write and delete a lot. Then spend three hours researching, and correct it. Next you doubt your grasp on the english language and rewrite it again
Nonwriters: Then you’re done?
Writers: Then you start the next paragraph
“Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you”
“Yeah….so is a grenade”
*Hulk smashes thru courtroom wall*
SOMEONE ASK FOR INCREDIBLE WITNESS?!
Judge- no, CREDIBLE!
Hulk- shit HULK VERRY SORRY BOUT YOUR WALL
Apparently saying ‘exist over there’ while pointing is not the best way to greet people in the mornings.
I’m no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.
“Two can play at that game”
-guy who’s confused about solitaire.