My wife’s story about her day had 18 sub plots, two false finishes, buried the lead and introduced a new character in the third act.
Why does Batman wear a mask?
Because the citizens of Gotham aren’t morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis.
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Interviewer: “Do you consider yourself a punctual person?”
Me: “I was born three months premature.”
Oh, so you make the bed everyday…I suppose you’re also the type of snob that folds your clothes and puts them in “drawers.”
ahhh yes this is more like it, now I have no idea what’s going on.
“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” we chant. Another agent appears inside the pentagram and screams. The dark lord feasts tonight.
If you love someone set them on fire. Did I get that right? Oh god what have I done. It’s SET THEM FREE isn’t it? Sorry burning loved one.
Leaflet through the door telling me I can enjoy sex at 75. Which is handy, because I live at number 81.
me: may I clear your plates?
me: *sits down to finish their fries*
All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn’t eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare.
Sorry my mom wouldn’t stop talking on our killing spree.