dog who is interested in graphic design, lookig at the new pantone color of the year: i dont get it, everey year its just the same dam color
Why does it have to rain men? Why can’t it rain something useful like Doritos?
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A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
her: did you dream about me?
me: that depends…are you a member of the Backstreet Boys?
her: umm no
me: then no
It took 11 years but hubby can finally read me like a book.
A Greek book. Read upside down wearing a blindfold. It’s a vast improvement.
I hate being woken up so if you find me sleeping, let me rest. If you can’t follow that simple rule, next time just hire another pilot.
Hear me out.
The first parent to school pick-up gets to pick the best kid. The well behaved one without the snotty nose.
The last parent to pick-up gets the feral child.
It’s a system I think would work.
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! DID YOU KNOW THAT FROSTED FLAKES DON’T TASTE HALF BAD WITH RED BULL INSTEAD OF MILK? I THINK I’LL RUN TO WORK TODAY!
date: so how are you?
me: I’m doing good! how are-
guy behind me: you mean you’re doing “well”
date: who the hell is that
me: I told you I had a corrections officer
Her: The menu is in French.
Me: Allow me to order for you.
Me: Mÿ dâtę wòûld líkê thé chėésëbûrgęr, plæsê.
Dad: What do you want for your birthday?
Me: I want a gf thats not crazy.
Dad: You should ask for something more realistic. Like a dragon.