@Gupton68: Why does watching a movie with the kids mean constantly having to remind them I didn’t write the script?
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@AmericanGent69: Me: *seductively spreading peanut butter on my chest Sir, you’re going to have to leave. Me: *reluctantly gets off treadmill
@HavocMantis: Whenever I experience happiness, I signal this to other humans by showing the sharpest part of my skeleton.
@hell_homer: This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]