which is the Beyonce song where it’s like we’re independent but also you should marry us but like we’re super-strong but also pay our bills
Why don’t adult cereals come with prizes?
A pill organizer
Post it notes
Vouchers for gas
…And so on.
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i’d rather go to jail than go camping. at least jail is inside
Before I get out of an elevator, I hug every single person in there with me and whisper in their ear “You’ve taught me so much.”
“Do you want to have fun but also get more mad than you’ve ever been in your life?” – video games
Me: I’m just feeling really overwhelmed right now by your constant need for my attention. And you’re being like super pushy and needy and, I mean, I’m sorry if you feel rejected or whatever but like this is something you need to work on without me. Ok?
Bill collector: Um.
So we asked papa johns to write a joke on our pizza
“murder” she wrote
“your password must contain at least one number and one upper case letter” the screen said
“murd3R” she wrote, frowning
Stay in school, kids.
No, I mean really. Don’t come home. We need a break.
just when I started to freak out I noticed the ghost that haunts my ensuite had written “don’t panic, you ate beets last night” with lipstick on the mirror and I am so grateful to have such a good friend