*gets lockjaw when putting on eyeliner*
Why don’t adult cereals come with prizes?
A pill organizer
Post it notes
Vouchers for gas
…And so on.
You Might Also Like
When I say “the other day” it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth
Spring cleaning checklist…
If I offended anyone in the last 24 hours sorry but I forgot my medication and I ran out or premium beer and my son’s dating a scientologist
Hahahaha, no I’m not pregnant, I “eat for two” everyday. Enjoy your last summer on Earth, neighbor, you have made a vengeful enemy.
Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience.
My doctor told me, “If you don’t quit smoking, it doesn’t really matter how poorly you eat” and that was the best day of my life.
4: *opens door
Hi, is your mom home?
4: she’s in the tower
mom: whispers from behind door “no no no it’s SHOWER not tower!”
I like to throw bottles into the ocean with notes that just say, k.
“What’s your greatest weakness?”
I’m always hungry
“That’s not what I-”
*takes out a cake* Also, I don’t like to share