@BadassBarbie11: Why don't they just use a 3 year old with a drum set as an enhanced interrogation technique?
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@ArfMeasures: [Bar] HOT WOMAN: You know...my bed is kinda cold when I'm in it on my own ME: Well maybe I could help you with that *leans in* just put a small heater by the side of your bed [3 days later] ME: [spits out coffee] DAMN IT
@LizHackett: I overheard a dad at Starbucks tell a kid not to tell Mom he got a cake pop for breakfast, so I guess I'm part of their web of lies now too.
@hollywoodsigh: I'm at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to shit faster because it's cold.