I received 10 pounds of pot in the mail by mistake. So I did the right thing and called the police to come pick up all 4 pounds.
Why eat high-calorie yogurt when you can just have ice cream for breakfast instead?
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Oh, you climbed Mt. Everest?
Well, I live with 4 teenagers and ALL the laundry in the house is clean AND folded.
Them: Are you a frontend or backend developer?
Me: *winking* I’m pretty developed in both places.
Anyways, that’s how I ended up in HR.
Air Canada says 20,000 mobile app users have been affected by a data breach. On the upside, the hackers might know where your lost luggage is.
Roses are red, violets are fine, I’ll be the 6 if you’ll be the 9.
“Sir, how may I help you?”
*swivels around in chair*
— A coffee please!
“Did you bring that chair in here?”
We could be like Romeo and Juliet. You go die and I’ll go to sleep.
Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
friend: and wyd after?
me: sleeping for work tomorrow
[Arranging a date]
Her: OK how does 4 o’clock sound?
Him: [Through megaphone] DONG DONG DONG DONG