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@PUNjipati: Why I update my apps
:-For the new features ❌
:-for the notifications to go away✅
@Jesssicle: People are writing condolences on my Grandma's Facebook that sound more like Yelp reviews of her. Great woman, very loving, 5/5 stars
@internetluke: *hears robber in house*
If anybody is there.. I have Updog & I'm not afraid to use it.
Not too much haha you?
@MarloMeekins: F•r•i•e•n•d•s only its D•o•g•s
but instead of claps in the theme song,
@Slim_is_Fat: (Watching Liar Liar)
Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married?
Me: Until the end of this movie.
@attsmcjay: I'd imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.