@skickwriter

Why is everything so sticky?

-parenthood

You Might Also Like

@3sunzzz

If I ever got a horse I would name her Grace, just in case I ever fell from her.

@SortaBad

Interviewer: Why do you think you’d make a good waiter?
Me: (says nothing)
Interviewer: are you…waiting?
Me: *nods*
Interviewer: holy shit

@_mcgoof

Why are there 2 dragon smileys on Whatsapp?
“He winked at me, I should send him a dragon head.”
“No babe, this calls for a full dragon.”

@sonictyrant

HORSE: *walks up to the bar*

ME [THE BARTENDER] : So, *raises an eyebrow* why the long face ?

HORSE: Oh *removes Nic Cage mask* Sorry

@monica_L1257

*6yo comes out with dripping wet face*
Me: what did you do?
6: my brother dared me to dip my face in the toilet water

*speechless*

@khook32

My husband really loves our new couch. In fact, he loves it so much he called me his exwife’s name just so he could sleep on it.

@WheelTod

My dad, a pilot rescued on French soil, behind a hidden wall panel with 8 Jewish children as the Nazis search, quietly opens a bag of chips

@BuckyIsotope

“Honey, did you leave your tools out in the backyard?”
*sounds of sawing*
Oh no
*backyard is filled with dads building a deck*
Get the hose