THE BREAKFAST CLUB (1985): Five white heterosexual suburban American 17-year-olds manage to find common ground.
Why is it called a “prison compound” and not a “guilt complex”?
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Superman could shit sauerkraut and they’d still love him. But when I do it, everyone’s like “gross katie”, and “now you’ve ruined the hot tub for all of us”.
6am: Too tired
8am: This isn’t so bad
1pm: OMG so tired
10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS
My tall sister took the vodka out of the cupboards above the fridge.
I always thought those doors were just there for decoration.
“If you love something, set it free…”
Unless it’s a man…
Cause he’ll get lost…
And you know he won’t ask for directions…
Sorry I didn’t text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn’t want to mess up my phone.
When I open the washing machine lid mid-cycle, I feel like I’ve entered a party where everybody suddenly stops dancing and stares at me.
I don’t go back to my hometown very often because I’ve burned too many bridges. And also because I am wanted for bridge arson.
I failed a history exam, stood-up my girlfriend and accidentally bought a packet of figs today because I’m terrible with dates.
OCTOPUS: *places tentacle on Bible*
JUDGE: Do u swear to tell the truth?
BAILIFF: *spends like 8 minutes trying to get Bible unstuck*