TEENS IN THE 70S: let’s protest war
TEENS IN THE 80S: let’s protest capitalism
TEENS IN THE 90S: let’s rage against the machine
TEENS TODAY: let’s eat laundry detergent
Why is it when you tell someone you had a dream about them they assume sex? Like no dude, I killed you
You Might Also Like
Me: BABE HAVE YOU SEEN MY..
M: How did you..
W:*reads note* Dear sober me, fridge.
KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad…may we have ice cream?
ME: no you may not
K: dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?
Her: You’re always teaching the kids how to use things improperly!
Me [flattens out a piece of lettuce, takes my writing ham out of the tackle box]: Go on…
Two men came to the door asking if I’d found Jesus.
I said “Hell no. I don’t want to have to spend my weekends bothering people at home.”
Saying “I’m practicing social distancing”
-everyone doing it
-not very exciting
Exclaiming “keep your hands off me good sir!”
-are you a character in a victorian novel?
-implies someone would want to touch you
– I’m your son’s teacher and I’m calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar.
– And a damn good one. I don’t have any sons.
Sheryl Crow: This ain’t no disco. This ain’t no country club either.
Sheryl Crow – The world’s worst archaeologist.
People on Facebook Nowadays:
*Clicks pic while sipping coffee*
*Posts as DP with irrelevant caption: Every scar makes me who I am*