“This isn’t my first rodeo.” He said, confidently. “Now help me get on this pointy cow.”
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“Daddy, there’s a mime under the bed!”
That’s ridiculous, why would you think that?
OH DEAR GOD RUN
40% of North American teens can’t even find ISIS on a map. Talk about ignorant
*rewinds tape with a pencil*
*gets angry when I accidentally close the music app*
My Car would not run, neighbor said it was a problem with the stringy thing..Took it to a Quantum Mechanic and he disagreed w string theory
[at a wedding]
*bridesmaids walk to stage*
5 year old: Does he get to pick?
[guy in dark alley]
Psst. Hey, lady…
*opens trench coat*
*dozens of bibles fall out*
-our Lord and savior Jesus Christ
Interviewer: how did you write that song?
Singer: well, I had an epiphany…
Me, brilliant musician: couldn’t afford a Gibson, eh?
Are Smurfs just a bunch of midget Avatars? #yeahimhigh
I’m really worried Justin Timberlake is going to have me naked by the end of this song.