@IamJackBoot: Why is the floor squeaking upstairs; does the cat weigh that much? Jeezus I hope the cat weighs that much.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Hit the light. *flicks switch (wrong light) *flicks another (fan) *flicks (disposer) *flicks (nothing) *flicks (some light in Canada)
@djdarrellripley: Him: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) screen the applicants. Me: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) testify in the harassment suit.