@gvicks

Why let people drive you crazy when you know it’s in walking distance?

You Might Also Like

@TheGoodGodAbove

To anyone who will be spending their Valentines Day with their hand, know that you are not alone. I will be there with you, watching.

@HuajatollaChic

At least dogs look at you when you’re talking with them as if to say, hell yeah I’d talk to you, but I’m a dog.

@dafloydsta

Whenever I get a “Final Notice” letter from a bill collector, I assume this concludes our business transaction.

@HenpeckedHal

Things that made my toddler cry this week:
– I wouldn’t let the dog drive him to daycare
– the bath was “too wet”
– he wanted syrup for breakfast…just syrup
– his sister “keeps looking at him”
– he wants shoes like his friend Jacob (there is no Jacob)

How about your kid?

@jellybnbonanza

I haven’t filled up the salt and pepper shakers on the table for a year and I still don’t think my family has noticed nothing is coming out of them.

@junejuly12

[on phone]

Of course I trust you, babe. Always.

*searches Amazon for mini spycams with 1-day shipping*

@_Shizzle

Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to get murdered. No one likes a know it all.

@mommajessiec

I’m not saying my husband and I are scared of our 3yo, but we just did Rock Paper Scissors to determine who was going to take the baseball bat away from him.

@LuvPug

I’m voting for whoever my cat thinks I should and my vote counts just as much as yours

@Schmoodles

I can never remember if it’s “laying” or “lying.”

Anyway, I hit a dude with my car and he’s doing one of them in the middle of the road. 🙁