A local business in my town has an open carry discount. As in, you show them a gun to save money. Doesn’t that discount apply everywhere?
Why Seth MacFarlane’s Oscars were mean spirited and misogynistic, coming up next after our review of the worst dressed women.
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If someone invites you to their large country house with lands, say thanks.
We can play Yahtzee again.
-You fixed the broken dice?
Yeah. And they’ll never break again.
-How do you know?
Die mends are forever.
The struggle is real.
How do spiders drive a van?
10 on top
Where would you like to go?
Get in the Spider Van.
And this song would come on and all the white people would start having a group seizure.
Me explaining the Harlem shake to my grand kids.
*Carries a bookmark to that fancy restaurant with the extensive menu card.*
AVOCADO: Hello I’m good fat
BACON: *lights cigarette* *punches avocado*
Hugh Hefner lived so long that his first wife’s name was Mildred and his last wife’s name was Crystal.
Hitler ruined the Charlie Chaplin mustache for everyone.