the hardest part of your wife going into labor is everyone interrupts the movie by asking questions
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Hi i’m Rob, I like sports, classic rock and have an irrational fear of bees. What’s your name?
OH SHIT WHERE
Guys, please help. My son accidentally started a sentence without saying “mom” first, and then he kind of short circuited…? What do I do?
In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.
“you look nice” – sweet potato
“im so high” – baked potato
“you suck!” – roast potato
“what have I done” – guy who made talking potatoes
Wife just instructed me on the best way to trim my beard.
So now I’m explaining to her the proper way to change a tampon.
Justin Bieber breaks up with Selena Gomez… the same week Black Ops 2 comes out? Good call Justin.
[Running into a friend]
FRIEND: Hey it’s good to see you! We should get together soon!
FRIEND: How about Friday?
ME: Yeah let’s do it soon
FRIEND: Right, like Friday?
ME: Take care!
FRIEND: So, Friday?
ME: *grabs their collar* Stop trying to make this happen
I don’t believe that twitter is the place for arguments.
We all have family for that..