Hi, I’m a college professor. Years ago I wrote a terrible book no one wanted. Anyway you have to buy it for 80 dollars
Why “Trojan” condoms? Didn’t the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
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She said that having a successful marriage is all about making sacrifices so I threw her into a volcano.
Me neighbor and I just exchanged nods acknowledging we’re both wearing the same outfit as yesterday.
Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck, no one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.
HEY PIGS STOP TRYING TO SWALLOW ENTIRE APPLES YOU KEEP DYING
A mother bear defending her cubs but it’s me defending the fresh pan of bacon from other hotel guests at the breakfast buffet.
Gas is so cheap right now, I just buy a new car when I run out.
Not to brag but I can keep up with the fast part of the chicken dance…
My alphabet soup is full of typos. Go home Campbells; you’re drunk
From now on, I’m referring to my ex girlfriends as “yesterbae’s.”