@simoncholland: Why would I spend $5 on a bag of apples at the store when I can wear warm fall clothes in 88° weather and pay $36 for our family to pick them ourselves.
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@Carbosly: The elevators aren't working and I work on the 10th floor. I just may become the first person ever to call in sick from the security desk.
@BigFatNothing: A local business in my town has an open carry discount. As in, you show them a gun to save money. Doesn't that discount apply everywhere?
@lisaxy424: When I was a kid: why do athletes retire in their 30s they’re still so young Me in my 30s now: *trying to get up from a couch* yep ok
@RealCarrotFacts: Putting a carrot next to you in bed can almost fill the space where Megan used to slep