If a guy wants to call a woman ugly online a window should pop up where he has to upload pictures of all the women he’s slept with
Wife: 2 is driving me crazy and I want to drive off a cliff.
Me: No I need the car.
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CW: Aimee, could I get your signature on this agreement?
(with Cheeto stained lips)
Me: That’s my signature.
When I call you Hun, it’s short for Atilla.
My boyfriend’s really happy we can meet up again now lockdown’s over
My husband not so much so
Experts are suggesting you wait until 8th grade to buy your kid a cell phone but I didn’t even have kids back then.
Me: *brings a cheesecake to a pie fight*
My enemies: sweet jesus she’s gone completely insane RUN!!
And on the 8th day, God created atheists and said, “Oh man, you’re not gonna believe this.”
in which a Twitter developer finally discovers Twitter
I fully support any type of marriage that doesn’t involve me.