wife: can you stop messing around
lawyer: im not
wife: just read my husband’s will please
lawyer: that’s what it says.. “oOoOoh im a ghost”

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ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say “don’t try this at home”? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face.


A website for religious potato chip lovers…Christian Pringle.


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Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists.
[interviewer thinking] holy smokes he’s good


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