Being a New York Jets fan is like watching Titanic every Sunday and cheering for the boat.
wife: can you stop messing around
lawyer: im not
wife: just read my husband’s will please
lawyer: that’s what it says.. “oOoOoh im a ghost”
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A good education is pretty important, but I think being good looking might be more importanter.
Hey boy, are you an astronaut? Cause you’re invading my space
ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say “don’t try this at home”? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face.
A website for religious potato chip lovers…Christian Pringle.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists.
[interviewer thinking] holy smokes he’s good
If you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That’s nothing, because if you play it forwards, it installs Windows
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
Everyone has that one vegetable that brings up memories of an ex
People that don’t speed up when merging onto a highway, who hurt you? Because I’d like to try next