All the kings horses and all the kings men probably feel like they’re being grossly underutilized with that whole egg thing.
Wife: Don’t you hate when you eat something that’s not very satisfying but it’s too late to eat something else?
Me: Too late?
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Absolutely no one:
Me: *something goes down the wrong way and I start coughing*
Everyone: Let me tell you about the time I almost choked to death!
8 yo: “Mommy, what did you want to be when you grew up?”
Me: “Not this tired.”
BOSS: You’ve been picked for a random drug test
ME: Hold my bong
Boss: It’s a little strange that you’re only sick on Fridays…
Me: I have a weekend immune system.
If you see my kid on zoom in the same clothes he’s been wearing the past five days mind your business our homeschool has a uniform.
*walks into childhood home*
Him: what’s wrong?
Me: it all looks so different. I distinctly remember the floor being lava.
JOKER ENDING EXPLAINED! those names were the people who worked on the film
Friends don’t tell friends 1980 was 40 years ago.