I regret teaching my boyfriend about make up. I made a snarky comment to him and he goes “first of all, blend your contour before you come for me like that”
Wife: Rock the baby.
Me: *plugs in amp*
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Date: you’ve already made me laugh, you can do no wrong
Me: challenge accepted.
Felt like my car was going to blow over from this wind today. I feel bad for the smart cars that are probably stuck in trees.
I recorded my husband snoring and then played it back to hear it and he rolled over and said, “TURN THAT DOWN I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”
REAL LIFE JUNGLE BOOK
Chapter 1, Page 1:
So Mowgli gets straight up eaten, like, right the heck away.
when spiderman jumps from building to building why isn’t it called peter parkour
[cute girl slides me note]
Do you like me? Yes or No
[I slide note back]
Are you a robot? Circle all the traffic lights
It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.
Fence is falling down, house paint is peeling, and deck has a bunch of splinters, so time for me to convince some idiot kid I know karate.