The Teen Choice Awards air tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren’t allowed to vote.
WIFE: stop quoting Britney Spears songs or I’ll leave you
ME: but I’m a slave 4 u
WIFE: that’s it
ME: (whispers) oops I did it again
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Nobody runs faster than a 4 year old holding your iPhone.
Blood is thicker than water but has nothing on Thousand Island dressing.
Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said “strip down facing me,” she meant my credit card.
Me: i’ve lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks
Friend: Wow! What’s your secret?
Me: be fat first
A friend sent me this.
[invention of blue cheese]
“this cheese has gone off”
“but it’s gone mouldy”
I SAID SELL IT!
& double the price
“are u ok?”
Because they need to bring young people to the church, insiders say the front runner for Pope is Seth MacFarlane.
HOT KRAFT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA CAN’T WAIT TO BE MELTED BETWEEN TWO SLICES OF BREAD!!!
Youtube is the only place where you’ll find people arguing about religion in the comments of a snowboarding video.