[Wife watching news]: The tuxedo store was robbed. Know anything about that?

Me in super frilly tux: Nope

*Dog walks in also wearing tux*

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The loudest sound on Earth is my child asking an inappropriate question about another customer at the grocery store.


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If you guys don’t hear from your sexy lady friend TC today it’s because he’s spending Father’s Day with his family.


When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.


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