@david8hughes: If you see a distressed woman in the mall screaming that she can't find her baby, don't offer to help her make another one.

@SchooIAnswer: wow 😂😭

@seamussaid: my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I'm being very selective so she learns to have standards

@JamesonN7: Lawyers out there, if I see any of my Tweets being used on Comedy Central can I sue..... Oh you don't think that will ever be an issue, okay

@simoncholland: Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?