If countries don’t want revolutions, they should stop putting large public squares in the middle of their cities. So stupid!
Wife: ” What’d you do today?”
Me: “Tell me what you think I did.”
You Might Also Like
Veterinarian: Curiosity killed the cat.
Dog: Sure, go with that.
Isn’t it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
Me: [to cat] HEY! GET YOUR PAW OUTTA THAT FISH TANK, MISTER.
Fish: [holding the cat’s paw] Ignore him—he’ll never understand love.
dorothy: WET TSHIRT CONTEST!
wicked witch: NOOOOOOOOO!
tin man: worst spring break ever.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that irritate me the most.
[on neighbor’s porch]
I am here to purchase the dog you neglect. Either you take this money now or I will use it myself to post bail later.
[Don’t let hot barrista know I’m a goose]
“Can I get you a coffee?”
Just a honk chonklate for me
CHOCOLATE, a hot chocolate plz.
Welcome to your 40s, your gum’s flavor outlasts your chewing stamina now.
#liestoldbygirls I am an 18th century mahogany cabinet.