Gyms closed. So this summer gone be about personality.
wife: why is the automatic soap dispenser in the kitch- *hazelnut creamer squirts into her hand*
You Might Also Like
I’m not saying I’m not physically fit, I’m just saying I went to yoga once and they had to call the paramedics.
Me: I need to know where you are at all times. If you go somewhere new, text me. Understand?
Taco truck driver: Okay.
The New York Post publishes rumours about Dwayne Johnson. He sues for defamation and wins.
Rock beats paper.
And the crowd goes wild.
The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.
her: i’m going to a concert
me: to see who
her: Bad English
me: sorry, to see whom
If you schedule me for a conference call after hours…I’ll participate.
But I’m just going to sit on the phone and bark the whole time.
My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it’s somebody’s birthday on FB that I didn’t like.
“Does your dad play any sports?”
“No, my dad hates sports”
*dad walks in*
“Hey there, Sport”