@craigrachel: I don't drink water anymore, not after what it did to the Grand Canyon

@theshamingofjay: Make sure you finish all of your math homework, there are dumb kids in America who can't add - parents in China, probably

@ManiacallySound: I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That shit's totally different.

@Paige__xxx: A taser but for people who say "it is what it is".

@J0hnnyBlaze: Home Alone is my favorite movie about how child neglect and bad parenting is hilarious