I need a car. Hiding in people’s trunks and hoping they’re going to Wal-Mart isn’t working out for me.
Will Smith: “Jaden, I want you to star in this 100 million dollar movie with me”
My Dad: “Shut up and hold this flashlight Steve”
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Another day, another police escort from an all you can eat buffet.
My bladder has been tested on this road trip. I still don’t know how far a ‘mile’ really is but I can drive 75 of them before I have to pee.
“Creepy DM: I want to shave your legs.
On reflection this would have been a real time saver.
If you’re reading this, call me?
My service cat has walked me into traffic 14 times today.
Teacher: Your word is indictment.
Me: Can you use that in a sentence?
Teacher: Yes, I can use indictment in a sentence.
DON’T make this weird…
(I whisper in your ear, as I pet your eyebrows)
BRUCE WAYNE: *wearing the mask and practicing Batman voice in mirror* be honest what do you think
ALFRED: perhaps pants, Master Bruce
Cat: my owner is asleep. What if he is dead?
Cat 911: just walk on his face and find out.
Boy never ceases to amaze me