@arwenlothbrok

“Will you be my boyfriend 🥺👉👈?”

Giant cheese wheel:

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@BBQJones28

I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.

@XplodingUnicorn

Maybe there is no baby

I’m starting to suspect my wife’s been stuffing her shirt with an increasingly large series of hams

Now I’m hungry.

@thatdutchperson

*strips naked*

“Magic mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

Cops: he knows we can see him from this side, right?

@sad_tree

*literally any business fails*

journalist: ahh yes, the millennials

@Mostly_Cheese

“Get a parrot,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said. “Get a parrot,” the parrot said. “It’ll be fun,” the parrot said.

@fookmusic

Gas is like $40/full tank

Carrots are like $1/pound

Ya boi is getting a horse.