Who called it your monthly period and not egg drop soup?
“Will you be my boyfriend 🥺👉👈?”
Giant cheese wheel:
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I NEVER RELATED TO ANYTHING MORE IN MY LIFE
I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.
Maybe there is no baby
I’m starting to suspect my wife’s been stuffing her shirt with an increasingly large series of hams
Now I’m hungry.
“Magic mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”
Cops: he knows we can see him from this side, right?
*literally any business fails*
journalist: ahh yes, the millennials
“Get a parrot,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said. “Get a parrot,” the parrot said. “It’ll be fun,” the parrot said.
Should I buy a pizza? Heads I do, tales I ignore the coin.
Gas is like $40/full tank
Carrots are like $1/pound
Ya boi is getting a horse.