If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
*wipes blood off hands with napkin* I said no onions
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Sex is only 10% of a relationship unless youre not having it.
Then its 100%.
There’s no way you can prove to me that pterodactyls didn’t pronounce the p
Thanks to Twitter, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
Deck the halls
Patio the foyer
Balcony the den
Porch the bathroom
Am I doing this right?
I just learned Avicii is a singer and not Roman numerals for 1952.
It’s getting cold in here
So take off all your clothes
Then we can make a fire with them
Why do vegan places always try to copy meat products? Sure meat is murder but plagiarism is a little worse if you think about it
Dr. Seuss: Would you could you in a box?
Would you could you with a fox?
me: ok what kind of doctor are you anyway
Her: “If you can’t handle me at my-”
Me: “I’m going to stop you right there. I can’t. It’s fine.”