@lovejulieacafe

With a straight face, my neighbor asked me not to do yardwork when her boyfriend is outside.

So yes, I think they’re in a healthy relationship.

You Might Also Like

@PleaseBeGneiss

Me: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes

Informant: why?

Me: for spilling the beans

Informant: I didn’t-

Me: shut your fern gully

Informant: what

Me: don’t give me no sammy jammy

Informant: ok now you’re making these up

Me: *leans forward* looks like we got us a bulbasaur

@thestlouisan

I’m 39 and I still don’t know where to look when the dentist is working on my teeth.

@murrman5

[on way to play charades with gf’s family]
I don’t wanna go
why
I don’t wanna look silly
you won’t
*first thing I have to act out is pasta*

@Xoolun

My GFs family are religious which sux

1st time I stayed there her dad wouldnt let us sleep together

Was a shame cuz he was very attractive

@jake_likes_naps

[Ouija board in Starbucks]

“Speak to me spirits”

O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G

G R O S S

@newLettuce

Doctor: Let’s take a look at your chest shall we

Pirate: No

@Angel_150913

I’ll leave a to-do list on the table in case any of you stalkers get bored.

@moneebthinks

My Nissan uncomfortably seats 7 if any group of people wants to take an intimate road trip