PILOT: Welcome to flying school. Any questions?
ME: Is it possible to crash into a rainbow?
PILOT: Yes it’s how most of you will die. Next?
With sufficient velocity, any object can be an effective weapon. Unfortunately this kitten is not cooperating.
You Might Also Like
So, this is hard to say, but: Worcestershire sauce
Wife: Your PMS jokes aren’t funny.
Me: I can’t help it, they just flow out of my mouth.
Me: Fine. No more. Period.
[phone rings in 1984]
“Eric get the phone”
“Tell em I’m not home.”
She’s not home.
“Ask who it is.”
My mom wants to know who this is.
Someone: describe your sex life in two words.
Me: my what?
4 out of 5 dentists recommend teeth.
If you want to get someone out of your office, just pull two tampons out of your purse and start air drumming.
Sit next to stranger on park bench, hand over envelope with random person’s picture, whisper “It has to look like an accident”, walk away.
At this age in my life I thought I was going to much wealthier than I am now
Subway: so no extra cheese?
Me: *checks wallet* not today Carol