Mad Max- road rage
Atlas- road page
Highway worker- road wage
Radar gun- road gauge
Dog catcher- road cage
Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.
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Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls
I’m not taking the Democrat convention seriously until someone starts talking to a table.
If a murderer wanted to lure me out of my room all he’d have to do is turn off my wifi cause sure as shit i’m gonna see why it aint working
Lois : Clark, are those binoculars?
Clark Kent : Yes, I can’t find my glasses.
Lois : Put them down for a second.
Clark : No
Delivering eulogy at o’possum’s funeral: Before I start I’d like to give Jeff a few more minutes to come around.
Professor X: what’s your power
Me: I can make anything sexy
Sexy Professor X: how
ME: will you *opens box* marry me
HER: is that a single peel n eat shrimp
ME: idk is that a yes
*Walks into brothel*
One chicken soup to go please