@MsSkaarsgard: Wives all up in arms about their husband's leaving or cheating and I'm all, hush now sweetie, SEE THE GIFT YOU'RE BEING GIVEN.
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@iliezabeth: DRAGON: get AWAY from me ME: let me pet ur scales pls DRAGON: I don't even KNOW u ME: breathe fire on me DRAGON: *is creeped out*
@joryjohn: [Baby crying in a movie theater] Me: "What's his name?" Parent: "Ethan." Me: "The movie's starting, Ethan."
@clichedout: me: dogs have 4 legs her: me: so do tables her: ok me: so dogs are tables her: no me: *sets my cup on a dog* let me explain it for u again Jen
@AndrewNadeau0: Me: I won't make it. Go on without me. Her: It's a toe cramp M: But I'm covered in some kind of clear blood H: That's sweat M: Tell my story