@ericsshadow

WOMAN: [disgusted] some people shouldn’t have children

ME: [gently placing my son in her shopping cart] thank you

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@klecket

Does it creep anyone else out that Donald Duck eats a turkey dinner on ‘Once Upon A Christmas’? Isn’t that a form of cannibalism?

@novicefather

[interview]

“Describe yourself in 5 words.”

me: Salacious. Professionally sensual. HR compliant.

@JessiCanadian

I wish I could see the look of surprise and wonder on my son’s face when he opens his lunchbox full of tampons today. Payback for talkback.

@1_swarthy_dude

“Did anyone else’s house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices……….oh U2?”

@poizngrl

My need for caffeine is so bad I’m going to AA for the free coffee

@crimson_n_aqua

Had a discussion with my boss about how lanyards can strangle…. conversation took a turn…. I am either fired or getting a HUGE raise x2

@mommajessiec

This morning I brushed my hair with an American Girl doll brush because, apparently, she is the only one in my house who puts things back where they belong.

@Jarhead44

FYI –
Lisa on FB has cramps but is still going to yoga.

I’ll keep you all posted.

@Marlebean

Hostess:There’s a 45 min wait
Me:Do you know who I am? I have THOUSANDS of followers!
H:Let me ask my manager
*2 min later
H:It’ll be 43 min

@3sunzzz

I took a Viagra just to see what would happen, I couldn’t sit down for four hours.

Narrator: Ursula should never be left unsupervised.